Happy New You!

Dear Expanded Lovemakers,

Have you heard the one where the Zen Monk goes to New York City and orders a hot dog from a vendor? He says, “Make me one with everything”. The vendor makes him a hot dog and takes his money. The monk expects his money back and when he doesn't get it says, “Where’s my change?” “Ah”, says the vendor “Change comes from within.”

This joke reveals how we much expect the right thing to happen at the right place and time. The same event becomes funny when it’s the right thing at the wrong time.

Aren’t we all just chock-full of thousands of judgments about what's right and wrong? What if we could just dump those judgments and enjoy every moment – especially during sex?

How cool would that be, since, when it comes to sex and pleasure, right and wrong events usually do not lead to harmless laughter, but often to more serious developments, like shutting down, embarrassment, trauma, hurt, and fear. Plus, we quit having fun with sex.

Have you got lots of judgments right this very nano-second about sexuality – yours, mine, and everyone else's? Are you wondering, “Wow. I’d love to drop my judgments about sex. But how?”

AH!!! Here’s the true secret of enlightenment: It’s as close as a subtle shift away. (In other words, enlightened sex is not to be found in with some guru in the Himalayas…. It’s in a Hot Dog Vendor!) Okay… just kidding on this one.

Seriously, though. You don’t need to go to the Himalayas…. It’s all here, in your own, simple, amazing attitude about fun. Just keep asking yourself, would you rather be right, or have fun?

So the next time your lover slips on a banana peel – (say it’s *your* greased clit or cock), and their hand flies, on a fumble, up your nose… well, did you know that the nose is full of erectile tissue? If your nose knows this isn’t the place to be, solicit their slithering digits to slide slippery-slope down to your lips! Aha…. more erectile tissue! Now maybe lips are more to your liking (and licking)? Hmm, perhaps, now’s the time to become one with everything… wink, wink….starting with that friendly finger fondling your galactic smile!

Happy New You! To all my Dear Readers,

In Expanded Laughter,

Dr. Patti
www.ExpandedLovemaking.com

Copyright 2006 Patricia H. Taylor, PhD. All Rights Reserved.

The Sweetest Gift of All

'Tis the night before Christmas, and perhaps all your presents are already neatly wrapped beneath the tree, or bush, or candles. So here's the question for all of you that are still wondering, “Is there something extra-special that I can give to my beloved?”

You bet there is there is! Attention the sweetest gift of all.

The technical aspects of how you might give attention are easy. You'll get a scrap of your most sparkle-y gift-wrapping, and offer a specific amount of time, in writing, to your partner: 15 minutes, a half an hour, maybe even an hour. Roll your treasure into a scroll and bow it up. Give an amount of time for which you truly feel you can give your full, 100% attention. Quality of attention will trump quantity.

Almost certainly, the thing you would like to receive the most is not the thing your partner would like to receive the most.

You may long to have your partner gaze into your eyes silently for 15 minutes. Or, perhaps, you dream of the day when your partner will take you over the edge of an orgasm and prolong that edge, and not stop as you go over, but keep going, while you give him or her feedback, so as to prolong that orgasm, not the normal two or three minutes, but to experiment with keeping it going for a full 15 minutes, regardless of what happens. The exploration of what happens after the explosive over-the-edge part of lovemaking is what might be fun for him or her. (Note: I’ve gotten this one before, so take my word, this really can be a fun gift).

For your partner, attention might look like help with cleaning out the garage. Or could it turn into an exploration of languorous, loving oral sex on your new couch (after all, might not every piece of furniture in the house be christened?) or, perhaps, a probing, playful prostate massage with a new lube specially purchased for this purpose?

They say it's the thought that counts. I say, it's the attention that counts... and, in this case, often, what comes along with the attention!

Happy Expanded Holidays!

Yours in Ever-Expanded Love,

Dr. Patti

PS. Have you subscribed to my blog by checking on the chicklet that says, “Subscribe in a reader”. I suggest this, since more and more email providers are blocking e-zines using aggressive spam filters these days. (I send out both, and would love to invite you to join my e-zine too. Only, I've had problems getting my own e-zine. And I do post far more frequently to my blog.) Do come and visit, and sign up to my blog. Stay current, and post comments, if you wish.

We are coming out soon with a slew of new products and services. Trust me! You won’t want to miss the news about any one release! Every offering is designed to take your love-life into the sweetest, and most wondrous of loverspaces.

Copyright 2006 Patricia H. Taylor, PhD. All Rights Reserved.

Advice to Love to Love You, Babe

Dear Dr. Patti,

I love my husband, and he loves me, but he's been working so hard lately that we never seem to have the chance to just unwind, and you know what that means. Unwinding leads to a yummy massage, which leads to even hotter action! I can't seem to get our frolicking love-fest started. He’s so focused on what happened during the day that when we get to bed all he wants to do is chill. How can we start our transition? Signed, Love to Love You, Babe

Dear Love to Love You, Babe,
I got the picture. Hubby is happy to hug, but can't switch off the Work Channel. Did someone else gain possession your remote? Well, fight fire with fire, by hiring him yourself, tonight! At dinner, pull out his appointment book and make an entry for nine o'clock this evening. Negotiate some duties. Make them really easy and fun ones, like slowly trickling his pinky in the crease of your elbow, or tracing his tongue around the sides of your ear lobe. Charge him like, fifteen dollars. (Depending on the guy, some guys might actually respond with greater glee if you actually make them pay *you* for the privilege of letting them do this to you.) You know your guy. If he’s in the kind of a mood where he wants or needs a challenge instead, you can plan a session where he's to grace your gorgeous g-spot (once you’re fully engorged, of course!) with at least three new creative ideas. Anyway, what have you got to lose? Everything glorious and good starts with a single pleasurable stroke!

Yours in ever expanding love,

Dr. Patti

www.ExpandedLovemaking.com


Copyright 2006 Patricia H. Taylor, PhD. All Rights Reserved.

My trip to Niagara Falls

Last night started out on a pretty low note. I had a minor injury at the gym, and, quite frankly, I was feeling somewhat sorry for myself. I was not in the mood for fun, love, or pleasure. Okay - I was in a really good, deep, blue, good old-fashioned funk. A tailspin. My partner tried talking to me. I was kind enough to tell him empathy would go further than advice. He switched from talking to hugging, and that helped some.

Now I going to ask you to guess, what are the chances that we could have had any kind of a reasonable sensual connection? Here are your choices: “One in 10”. “Could be anything”. “I have no idea”. Or “Excellent”. Give this some thought.

The answer is “Excellent”. The path of Expanded Lovemaking is a profound path. We train ourselves to live moment by moment, and to use each moment as fuel to inform and feed our lovemaking. The ups, and even the downs, are grist for the mill, and fire for our passions.

I knew that. But still, I had to get into that mindset.

On a night like last night, my needs for tenderness, loving, caring sensitivity, connection, and grounding touch were so strong that every kind of attention coming my way was certain to help me a change my present mindset channel into a far better scene.

Despite the prospects for perking up, part of me wanted to prolong my poor-me program. And this is where my “lover’s training” really came through. (Yes, you really can train to be a good lover!) I simply made an arbitrary decision to choose pleasure over pain.

I chose pleasure. I began to visualize Niagara Falls, and then myself, riding down it, effortlessly, on a magical raft, as if I were carried away into a cascade of fresh, churning, healing emotional pleasure. I savored this pooling of bliss while allowing heartfelt nurturing to stream rapidly (and joyfully) into my body, mind, and spirit.

Once I had made this choice, well … I leave it to your imagination to imagine what happened next!

Copyright 2006 Patricia H. Taylor, PhD. All Rights Reserved.

Play Attention!~

Attention

Last night my partner was bugging me to tell him how other men stacked up to him as a lover. Naturally I was reluctant to answer him until I exacted several layers of promises that this information would not be used against me – or himself. After I had gotten a healthy dose of reassurance – looking deep into his eyes, taking his pulse, checking for fever, (ruling out temporary insanity), etc., I thought long and hard. Finally convinced of his sincerity, and also of his determination not to stop asking me, I answered.

With the best lovers, it's a matter of attention. They know how to find my favorite sensual and sexual spots to stay on, both inside and out. They know “where”, and “how” to touch. But it's more than that. They also know how to take me up and down, energetically, without dropping me. And that’s the timing, the “when”. Attention covers all of these points, all at once.

Imagine a plane trying to gain some loft. With just the right amount of acceleration, there will be a steady take off as the plane reaches enough altitude to go above the clouds. However, without enough combined sources of energy (the right mix of where, how, and when) in the beginning, that same plane becomes a “puddle-jumper” – it makes several trips up to tree-level, but then returns down to the ground, never to see the clouds. Puddle-jumpers never reach that critical loft, or effortless place (a.k.a. “the fun in the sun”). You do take a trip, but just not through the fabled clouds into lover-land.

Can you get there (or take someone there)? Yes! Attention ultimately creates that longed-for “lover’s loft”. So yes! It does take training, though, to have great attention. However, great attention has a super-charged payoff.

Attention is what has the giver of pleasure notice when his sensuous strokes are bringing you, the receiver, up too fast, or not fast enough. Attention is what has your partner notice when you need more stimulation, a softer touch, a stronger touch, or whatever! Attention has a great lover give you that symphony of perfect pleasure in every moment, just as you energetically reach for whatever it takes to climb to the next stair-step of sensation in the sky.

I thought my partner would faint by the end of my revelation. I checked his face. Would he be bright red or pasty white by now? But he was busily taking mental notes, paying a huge amount of attention to everything I was saying.

Smiling, he reassured me he’d heard everything I’d said. He then proceeded to get further clarification so that we could practice some advanced attention skills right away.

Ah, what wonderful things attention brought us last night!

Copyright 2006 Patricia H. Taylor, PhD. All Rights Reserved.

A Recent Letter

The other day I got the following letter:

Dear Dr. Patti,

I'd just love to learn about Expanded Orgasm. But I'm not sure if I could survive coming for an hour! While I sure do love that explosion of pleasure, I find it hard enough to go over the edge for more than about two minutes, or have an orgasmic "session" that lasted longer than about twenty minutes. I'm afraid my nerves would get fried right down to the bone. Is there hope for someone like me?. Signed, Hopeful but maybe Fried

Dear Hopeful, (and can we drop the "Fried?"),

Expanded Orgasm is not about time... it's about experience beyond time .. and space. A person can be in a state of deep expanded orgasm for seconds, minutes, or hours - and this applies to men and women alike.

As for the nervous system, I'm thinking of the experience I had yesterday... my entire being (and its neurology!) was flooded with profoundly pleasurable sensation, streaming through like a river, continuously, as I continued to breathe deeply, nourishing my entire nervous system with feeling, and delight, and letting go. (I am guessing this part extended about twenty minutes.)

As I went 'over' the edge... (about five minutes, according to my partner, in clock time) ... actually more like, "though an edge" - I am thinking of the snowcap of a mountain, but now, this peak has rivers running from source, and this peak is alive with streaming, it's a domain with no beginning and no end, and my body is swept through to various levels of contractions, uterine, vaginal, labial, abdominal... transmuting into effortless sequences of full body vibrations.

So, afterwards, well, it's actually quite the opposite of feeling fried... it's deeply restorative, with a sense of powerful fullness and largeness - a sense of physical, energetic immensity.

Ultimately, it's about connecting with the Current, that universal OM...

So, of course, you can always start by getting my book (Expanded Orgasm: Soar to Ecstasy at Your Lover"s Every Touch) or take one of my courses (sign up to my email list at www.ExpandedLovemaking.com to find out about these!). I'm also planning to offer podcasts, and videocasts, and this is where you'll get all my latest information.

In the meantime, connect with curiosity with your partner. Go out of time, out of space. Let his finger find a good place on you and then.. let go of goals like going over the edge. (This sounds hard, but that"s where the fun begins!)

Yours in ever-orgasmic pleasure,
Dr. Patti


Copyright 2006 Patricia H. Taylor, PhD. All Rights Reserved.

What is it About Words....?

What is it about words that are so powerful? Have you ever noticed how they have the ability to take you deeply into an experience .. or out of one?

Okay, I am not talking about the obvious stuff, like being in the middle of a delicious, vibrant, hot, wet, juicy, Expanded Orgasm date and having your partner yell, FIRE! Even I'd get up and run out of the room. (Assuming he wasn't referring to what he was feeling running up and down his arm). Presumably, my consciousness would be expanded enough to know whether to run or stay!

No, I am talking about common words. ..You feel soooo good... ..You look reallllllly pretty... These work! Rule of thumb.. anything that starts with the word ..YOU.. is going to make ..ME.. feel like the center of attention and feel pretty wonderful.

So how about when you really want to blast off? What can I say, as the receiver of pleasure, when my luscious lover is, well, just a little distracted? I want to take him out of his head, for one thing. Often, he's actually trying too hard to please me and it's backfiring.

"Spot! Where..s that $%&* Spot!" he's thinking, perhaps .. and he's in his head, and not watching/feeling/drooling over me. Or he's wondering how he's doing, or what I'm thinking, or, whatever. He's not feeling fire running up his arm, that's for sure, and neither am I!

I did this last night. We entered into a bit of a lull, and I asked my partner to get a little drunk with me. ..Be drunk in love.., I cooed. That catapulted him right out of his mind. I reminded him not to fall out of bed, or off my spot, but to sway a little in the breeze, like being drunk yet in a boat, anchoring to my spot, all the while pleasuring me.

Worked like a charm. Flames were leaping soon.. the good kind!

Yours in ever-expanding pleasure,
Dr. Patti

www.ExpandedLovemaking.com


Copyright 2006 Patricia H. Taylor, PhD. All Rights Reserved.

Welcome to Expanded Lovemaking Blog

Hello everybody!

I'm Dr. (PhD) Patti Taylor - and this blog is devoted to Expanded Lovemaking, a path of profound and ever-increasing pleasure, bliss, and consciousness.

You can learn more about me (and sign up for my events calendar and private mailing list) on my website, www.ExpandedLovemaking.com.

For more than 15 years, I've taught thousands of people to be better lovers, experience way more pleasure, and to be able to embrace and experience the rapture available to every one of us in every moment. I've written two books, a PhD dissertation, and produced and starred in an educational video.

We'll talk about love, relationships, erotic energy, the power of mind/body/heart/spirit coherence, transcendence through the path of pleasure, and lots more! This is a wonderful way to have more fun and pleasurable connection in your life!

Hope you'll join me!

- Dr. Patti
www.ExpandedLovemaking.com